Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
