Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how drunk are you?
Several
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
