It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
