Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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