So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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