the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
