I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
