we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
