so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
