A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
