I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
