Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
