I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
