chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry about my life...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
