how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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