The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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