i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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