he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
