we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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