That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
