I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
