i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
