I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I pour the whiskey from now on
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
