you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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