My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
