Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Houston, we have a blender
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
