Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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