you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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