Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
