Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
