Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
