Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
