All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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