i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
