There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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