Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
