I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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