I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize