Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
