I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
