Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
try to milk me bitch
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