Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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