Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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