She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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