you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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