plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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