I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
