But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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