i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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