so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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