you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
