Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
