I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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