omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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