Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
