how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
