dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
