Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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