So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
