So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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