she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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