I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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