he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
