So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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