Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
