Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize