just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
50% drunk capacity currently
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize