You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
