Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
