I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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