checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize