You smell like stripper and shame
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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