i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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