the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
