I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
