I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This house was built for laser tag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
