she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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