Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He better not be in your backpack
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
